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Wednesday, March 28, 2007
I have these funny emotions spinning around in my head, now, over a month after...well that.
I want desperately to move on and forget (but obviously I have no aged teacher to touch the back of my head and help me out). Or maybe it is more accurate to say that I want to show that I have moved on. Whatever it is, it is constantly nagging at me in everything I do, and I sincerely hope that it is not influencing my current decisions. If they are, things can't go farther that 4am on April 28th, 2007.
I Love running.
Interestingly enough, it took me a day to read the second half of a book that I have been reading for a month. My problem was not in a lack of a willingness to read, but in that I placed so much importance of reading it, that I had to have all my work done, had to be in bed, had to have showered, had to have everything set up for the perfect reading environment, just for me to open it. I felt that that way, I could read it and allow the words to "sink in" and I'd get more out of the book. that is what I have done with books my whole life. Today though, I decided to finish it, and I read on the bus this morning with a flashlight, in Accounting, Design, French, not English (I wouldn't be writing this if I had) on the bus ride home and on my bed until it was finished. Throughout the day, I came to points of the book that I recognized, such as a green shirt with the words "Happiness is a full tank" on it or the nursery rhyme "row row row your boat." It made me wish I'd read it two months earlier.
A few days ago, A weird realization came over me! I was thinking about school and how it has basically ruled my life for the past 10-11 years (and especially how miserable I am when I mess a project up >.<), and then I just accepted it as only one part of my life and decided to distribute my time and effort more equally to all parts of my life.
For now, there is nothing really to do but to smile and chat and be friendly, and pretend I'm blissfully happy. Who knows, It might come true.
Everything is a cycle:
I want desperately to move on and forget (but obviously I have no aged teacher to touch the back of my head and help me out). Or maybe it is more accurate to say that I want to show that I have moved on. Whatever it is, it is constantly nagging at me in everything I do, and I sincerely hope that it is not influencing my current decisions. If they are, things can't go farther that 4am on April 28th, 2007.
I Love running.
Interestingly enough, it took me a day to read the second half of a book that I have been reading for a month. My problem was not in a lack of a willingness to read, but in that I placed so much importance of reading it, that I had to have all my work done, had to be in bed, had to have showered, had to have everything set up for the perfect reading environment, just for me to open it. I felt that that way, I could read it and allow the words to "sink in" and I'd get more out of the book. that is what I have done with books my whole life. Today though, I decided to finish it, and I read on the bus this morning with a flashlight, in Accounting, Design, French, not English (I wouldn't be writing this if I had) on the bus ride home and on my bed until it was finished. Throughout the day, I came to points of the book that I recognized, such as a green shirt with the words "Happiness is a full tank" on it or the nursery rhyme "row row row your boat." It made me wish I'd read it two months earlier.
A few days ago, A weird realization came over me! I was thinking about school and how it has basically ruled my life for the past 10-11 years (and especially how miserable I am when I mess a project up >.<), and then I just accepted it as only one part of my life and decided to distribute my time and effort more equally to all parts of my life.
For now, there is nothing really to do but to smile and chat and be friendly, and pretend I'm blissfully happy. Who knows, It might come true.
Everything is a cycle:
Where have all the flowers gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the flowers gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the flowers gone?
Girls have picked them every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?
Where have all the young girls gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the young girls gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the young girls gone?
Taken husbands every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?
Where have all the young men gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the young men gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the young men gone?
Gone for soldiers every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?
Where have all the soldiers gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the soldiers gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the soldiers gone?
Gone to graveyards every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?
Where have all the graveyards gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the graveyards gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the graveyards gone?
Covered with flowers every one
When will we ever learn?
When will we ever learn?
